Emergency of the Heart (Humor)

Dr. Neil Weiner

Siren blaring and red and blue strobe lights flashing, the ambulance wove in and out of traffic to the four-car pile-up on I-5. Danielle and her partner leaped out and grabbed the gurney from the back. They began triage. Experienced, she beelined to the car the firemen were using the jaws of life to extricate a male passenger from a crushed pickup. Within minutes they carried an approximately 30-year-old male to the gurney. He was not breathing but had no other visible injuries. Danielle commenced CPR. She tilted his head back and placed her hands in the center of his chest just below the nipple line. After two rescue breaths, Danielle applied 30 compressions to two breaths. She continued at this pace all the way to the hospital.
Working feverishly, Danielle experienced an odd sensation. Her heart and breath beat in the same rhythm as the comatose patient’s. Further disconcerting, Danielle’s palms tingled with a magnetic pull to the man’s chest. When she applied the defibrillator paddles to his heart, Danielle felt an electric shock that coursed through her body.
The man abruptly opened his eyes as his heartbeat resumed. Danielle struggled to maintain her professionalism as her eyes locked onto his. She imagined that if the eyes were the window to the soul, then this man must be her soul mate. Reality intruded for a moment as the ambulance careened around a curve jolting Danielle’s body partially onto the gurney. This awkward press of the bodies sent a shiver up Danielle’s spine before she was able to regain her balance.
The overwhelming attraction Danielle experienced soon turned to doubt. Did he feel any of this connection? Was she being a silly romantic girl who imagined all these love sensations for a vulnerable patient? Danielle struggled to attend to her patient and thrust aside her enthrallment. However, how could so many signs be false?
The man whispered, “Where am I? What happened?”
Danielle blurted, “You’re safe with me.” She reddened considering how seductive her comment must have sounded.
Recovering she answered in a measured tone, “You were in a horrible accident, and we’re on the way to the hospital. Your vitals are normal, and the emergency room docs will check you out.”
“Could you alert my roommate Paul that I’m OK and at the hospital?”
Danielle nodded. However, her mind coursed through many options. Did this prove he was single? Did he have a girlfriend? Was he gay?
Danielle then scanned his rugged good looks, noting the distinctive chin and athletic body. Before she could drift off into any sexual fantasies, the man complained of a massive headache, numbness, and blurry eyes. Then he crashed. He lost consciousness.
Danielle texted ahead to the hospital that a possible subdural hematoma was coming in. Two minutes later, the ambulance screeched to a halt in the parking lot. Danielle and her partner unloaded the man who was rushed into the operating room. She and her partner stuck around long enough to get the news that Danielle’s interventions had saved his life, and he was in recovery.
Danielle hoped she could stay, but she had to take a new call for a 70-year-old woman who had fallen in her bathtub. On the way there she couldn’t help resenting those medical alert devices. When they got there the woman, like most of these so-called emergency calls from the elderly, was fine. Danielle reasoned that half these panic button calls were just calls for attention.
At the end of the shift, Danielle hightailed it back to the hospital to check on the man. The reception nurse informed her that only family had permission to see him after normal visiting hours. She discovered his name was Albert Winfield, an English royalty sounding name that further piqued Daniel’s fantasy. She planned to go home to get a good night’s sleep. In the morning, before going to the hospital, she made sure to wear make-up, lipstick, and put on her most flattering dress.
At the crack of dawn, Danielle drove across town to be ready for the 7 a.m. visiting hours. At the appointed time, the nurse waved her up to the seventh floor with directions to Albert’s room. Danielle strode boldly into the room and then stopped. Leaning up in bed, Albert was passionately kissing the charge nurse.